Everything You Gave Me



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LYRICS

Decide Not to Decide
1999

From the tip of my tongue to the tip of my toe
With a single glance from you anything will go
We own this bar tonight and we own this whole city
When you own the world it’s hard to think that it’s pretty

But war is far off tonight you’re my comrade unarmed
If you see your reflection I’m sure that I am charmed
Don’t write me off my friend ’cause you’ll pay twice in the end
And I’m not going home alone tonight

Never was an advocate of rational thinking
I did a lot of stare and think and stare and think and stare and think
I’ll buy another round of whatever you are drinking
And decide not to decide anything at all

Mary is five and she plays with G.I. Joe
Mommy won’t find out if she keeps her voice down low
All the other girls have a pink carriage in tow
And little Mary smiles cause she’s the only one who knows

If Billy played with dolls they’d kick sand in his eyes
And no one would help him, because a big boy is not supposed to cry
What if I was Mary and you were little Bill
Could we spend the night together hold the interrogator’s drill

Never was an advocate of loving and leaving
I guess I’m not strong enough to love and leave and love and leave
I couldn’t live without his voice or the sound of his breathing
So I learned not to love anyone at all

So maybe I’m tired and nothing tempts me anymore
Nothing makes me laugh the way I laughed long before
Or maybe I grew out of dressing in and dressing up
Or maybe I grew too much forgot to tell myself to stop

But I never joined the army so I guess I haven’t lost
Somewhere in my childhood my will to fight got tossed
And you were beaten out of your bangles and your braids
I guess there’s more to learning life then competing for good grades
Never was an advocate of learning and losing
My memory is weak so I must learn and lose and learn and lose
This bar is getting crowded maybe we should go cruising
And learn not to lose any time at all

Take it away
Take it away
The pain
And give me ten fold
This love

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Pretty Moon
1999

You’re my baby sewer rat
And I keep you in a shoe box under my bed
In case I’m feeling bad
And we’re from opposite sides of the tracks
And we only know two games
We know Snakes and Chutes
and Trivial Pursuit

But we don’t know which is for the brothel
And which is for the concrete garden
You see the Catholic school girl on the TTC
You wanna bend that short skirt over and show her God
And I just smile sweetly at you
Because your sickness makes me laugh
But if I knew you like I knew my erogenous zone
And didn’t trust you like a stranger
Maybe we’d still be talkin’ about that
Pretty moon, pretty moon

You’re my disfigured reflection
Spending hours in that booth
Waiting for an invite to the ball
And if you keep on puffin’ away
You’ll never find your fame
And your lips will shrivel up and you’ll smell bad
You’re the Catholic schoolgirl
That girls like me love to hate
But I might change my conception of you
If you took me on a date
Oh no, I’ve lost my skin
Oh no, I love this sin
Maybe I should shut up about it and stare at the
Pretty moon, pretty moon

They call you Dom cause you’re a Dirty Old Man
You got your hands down the front of your pants
Thinkin’ ’bout the Virgin Mary
And everything is ugly to you
Except when you come
And you’ve come to piss on heads
And slander your parents in your age
Maybe the Catholic schoolgirl wants to dance naked for you
And maybe if you have a couple more beers
You’ll be able to ask her
And then go home to your coffin
You gotta work at 6am
And I guess you’ve never had the time to think about the
Pretty moon, pretty moon

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Wedding Dance
2000

The summer falls to the wayside of the autumn
As I drive our tired bodies from the church
And you forgot your smokes at the candy store where you bought ’em
I don’t tell you ’cause I like to watch you search
The leaves start to blush like the cheeks upon my head
As the setting sun shines patterns on your skin
We’re playing I Spy something, you spy something that is red
Makes my wonder what I gotta do to win with you

*She’s a lovely bride
He loves her so much
He’s rendered helpless
He’s a slave to her touch
And If I ate my pride
Would you spare me a glance
And hold me much tighter
In this wedding dance

The moon is on the rise, pie-eyed up above
And the Christmas lights are bringing out the hazel in your eyes
Faces leaking joy, as the room debates of love
You are dancing, you are handsome, you are infinitely wise

* Chorus

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Real Savior
1998

You shouldn’t just walk away, ’cause it’s too easy it just turn your back
You’ve proven yourself a million times in a single day
And I know that you’re stronger than that
I walked in to a Cathedral and I gazed at frescos on the walls
And it wasn’t my lack of religion
That made my tears begin to fall, to fall, to fall, to fall

*I’m on an airplane that’s heaven bound
Jesus is the pilot and we’re going down
Who’s gonna hear our prayers tonight when we cannot make a sound
I think my real savior is on the ground

I think you must be a martyr, though you might call it by another name
I wonder how it feels to give your self
And then pay the price of bearing the blame
Because in chains of all that’s received here you build up a wall that you guard
And the people may listen or they may just walk on by
But at least you are still trying hard, at least you’re trying hard

* Chorus

So what does revolution mean to you?
Or are you happy just trudging through?
Making your dollar bills to pay back the ones you slave for
Does it kill you? Tell me what you gonna do?
What are you gonna do?

* Chorus

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Ghosts of Toronto
1999

Why did you have to die on the streets of Toronto
Were you tired of carving a place?
Were you weary of seeing the depth in the shadow
Of a boy who was losing his face?
Some women give favours in alleyways
Some men can live off vermouth
But the ghosts of Toronto are living off pennies
From the dusty pawn shop of their youth
And I thought you could be alive
So I gave you my air
And when I was through digging through your dirt
I discovered that nothing was there
So you came to rest with the ghosts of Toronto
With the sidewalk baring your name
Leaving the saints and believers in mourning
And a family shrouded in shame

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Crazy Ride
2001

Never sobered up so quickly
As when you exposed yourself to me
And I thought I would scratch your fucking eyes out
But instead I just let you be
And now a year and some has passed
And I see you nestled in the flock
You approach me with a very shaky hand
And you suggest that it’s time that we should talk
I remember the day that Ryan died
Swore I’d never love again
‘Cause falling outta love is suicide
But it’s a crazy, crazy ride

You were my masochistic Prince Charming
We lived off booze and sex and hurt
Driving in the sunshine on the highway
I am slowly taking off my shirt
You pull over to the shoulder
To see just how far I would go
And I am a rabbit in the headlights
It’s the first time I ever said no
I remember the day that Cory died
Plunged head-first in to a train
What ever made him commit suicide
Must’ve been a crazy, crazy ride

Now I guess I’m wondering what you’ll say to me
If any words exist to wash away the veil
I just wanna feel so consequential
Though our history is slowly growing stale
I buried everything you gave to me
But I always let your memory stay alive
I wonder why you were never dead to me
I guess I forgave you the day I said goodbye
You used to tell me about when Alan died
And how you lost half of your heart
You committed social suicide
Sent you on a crazy, crazy ride
Every thing that you denied
Every fucking time you lied
Kept it all locked up inside
But was it worth the crazy ride?

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20 Questions
1999

He said
The world in ending it’s written in the stars
It’s written on my fortune cookie and on the license plates of cars
I still don’t got a decent job, I got no wife, got no son
And I need to find God before I’m done
I tried to find him late last night I wondered Yonge and Queen
I thought I saw his mug shot plastered on a fashion magazine
A young man claimed to be his child with eyes of fire and hair all wild
I said “Jesus” he said “No” and I smiled
And I got 20 questions in my pocket
So tell me brother what’s it gonna be?
When the worlds reached a stalemate and we’ve run out of time
Will you find me?

Tried to find salvation on the alter of a bar
I saw a man get beaten while another stole his car
And as he drove away the mercy of his headlights met a cat
And I need to find God so I don’t die like that
Sitting on the curb again waiting for the train
While a woman propositions to take away my pain
Because I’m bleeding but I just keep on searching
Because bars and cars and movie stars
And all of the little things
These are the things that make me bare these scars
And I want the bigger things
You promised me the bigger things

Fell off the streetcar and I stumbled on home
Will you be there waiting so I don’t have to be alone?
Will you be there waiting so I don’t have to be alone?
Will you be there waiting?

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Eyes of Me
2001

I love to watch your naked body
I love to trace the scars on your skin
From where your growing pains have been
The mirror offers no protection
From your ecstatic imperfections
You’ll never know how beautiful my eyes insist you are
I will orbit you like a satellite
When you avert your eyes
I’ll land my mouth on the craters in your thighs
To probe the mountains and the rivers
Until the heat gives you the shivers
And you cover the world with a blanket of snow

* I want to be the blood that’s under your command
To be under your skin
And make you understand
Toss your TV from the second floor
And burn your magazines
Until you see how perfect you are
Through the eyes of me

You keep your portrait on your fridge
Held up by a magnet
So when you see it you’ll remember that you’re not supposed to eat
What a flawless weight loss program
Leave your excess in the attic
To hell with all of this stupid nuveau therapy

* Chorus

Tonight you’re everything to me
Despite such imperfect beauty
We right these wrongs
When we write these songs
And you’re right, so right
You’re right

* Chorus

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Reckless Summer
2001

We are so popular we stole our parent’s beer
Jump in to daddy’s Cadillac and drive away from here
Suzie’s hair is blowin’ ’round, she’s high on LSD
She’s ready for the summer nights and she’s in love with me
Park the car behind the trees, can’t see it from the street
We make out way a mile in, we’re flying off our feet
We find our friends all huddled there with cigarettes and booze
If you can’t figure out the game, you toke, you drink, you lose
Wrote in my journal this morning
And I addressed it like a letter to you
Sometimes the summer is a warning
To let the children know what growing up too fast can do
When I spent summers north of Toronto
Reckless driving on the back roads through the trees
Never knowing of what love was
Learning all about the birds and the bees

We make our way down to the lake, we’re high, we’re high, we’re low
Borrow Old John’s fishing boat, he’s too senile to know
Every body pile in there’s always room for more
And don’t forget the case of beer we’re pushing off of shore
Read in the paper this morning
They found her body cold and washed up next to him
Water has a cunning sense of mercy
She’ll pull you under fast if you can’t sink or swim

We are so popular the search is underway
You’re a lovely shade of blue and I’m a lovely gray
We are all grown up now
We are all grown up now
We are all grown up now
We are all grown up now

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Young Girl
2001

Bell rings
Class is out
You squeal your chair
You pull her hair
Now she’ll let you kiss her
Lose your gum inside her mouth
Mean
Button fly
Who thought of this?
It’s hard to kiss
It’s harder to converse now
When your blood is swimming south

* Young girl gets into your mind
Her love for you comes before your time
It’ll kill you
Watch it kill her too

Rain
Wedding day
Your father’s drunk
The flowers stunk
But you still got Jamaica
She smiles and laughs and cries
Two
Years have flown
She lights a match
And burns your stash
You’re living on your own now
Frozen wedding cake and fruit flies

* Chorus

Waitress is hot
But very late
To bring your plate
She’s apologetic
As she bounces on your lap
It hurts
When she’s gone
Your hairs a mess
Sleep with her dress
She’s never coming back now
You’re a sad pathetic sap

* Chorus

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For All The Time
2001

You are my angel I will give you gold and myrrh
If you promise me you will never fly to Jupiter
I will never clip your wings, won’t leave you bruised or scarred
I just wanna watch you soar around our own backyard
I’m painting a picture of you laying in the dark
I am a pirate, I’m so eager to embark
On ever perfect part of you
Your hair, your eyes, your wrist tattoo
And all I ever want from you is to stay here
For all the time
We drive out to nowhere, we got everywhere to go
Bob Marleys busting out of the reggae radio
This guitar only has five strings
But you can make the last one sing
And that is how I know I know you will be here
For all the time
Said I remember when we used to be so shy
By the witness of the moonlight
And you would always come set the fire alight
And it was our love burning through the night
And you say
Everything is gonna be alright
I’ll be here

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©2017 Janine Stoll. All Rights Reserved. Design by Janine Stoll Media.